A Cheshire Cat Smile

I think I’m one of those people who will never be happy.

I think that no matter what, I will be miserable and depressed like I’ve always been. Nothing will change that.

I have no family, no friends I can count on, nothing stable, nothing set in stone…

My family doesn’t want me here. I’m told this at least once a week. I am questioning my relationship. I have no one. I’m tired of feeling alone in everything. I’m tired of being blamed for everything. I’m sick of this shit. I am always alone. Always. Always. I have all these friends that don’t even matter and I don’t even matter to them. I’m tired of being a giant inconvenience to everyone. I’m tired of it.

I have no one.

I’m not asking for much.

Just when I’m having a bad day, it would be nice if you put in a little effort to cheer me up or make me feel better. Just say something nice. Or tell me a joke. Don’t just avoid me because it’s easier for you.

I will never be as pretty as she is.

I’m so sick of feeling like I’m not good enough.

My boyfriend is out drinking at the bar.

I feel like he’s flirting with every girl there and I’m sitting at home hoping he makes it home okay. I’m so tired. I’m having a hard time keeping my eyes open and I won’t sleep until I know he’s home and safe.

I’m freaking out. He gets flirty when he drinks. I feel like shit. Also, he’s not texting me. My fucking life.

I don’t feel loved by anyone. I don’t believe anyone when they tell me they love me. I really don’t think my boyfriend loves me.

I don’t think anyone can love me.